52th post...

ppl say they care....
but are theey lying??
i really dont kno...

todayy....
rainyy...sleepyy...
nothing much...
jus mainly revise work...
HT's sandwich looks fab...
hahahaha...
after skool arranged the table and chairs,
then went hme...

saw ZY at bus stop...o:
then at mai stop....
saw GG....
i was totallyy surprised...
quicklyy walk away...hahaha

reached hme...
took 30mins to open stupid can...
-.-
then fry luncheon meat (:
nicenice...
msned PJ and watch videos..
going to go studyy....
tonite will update again (:

maybe 1am?
mostly likely,
going out with zen and his friends...
till 1am...

kinda addicted to smoking?
idk...
hope not?
haiz...i dont wanna go back to last time lehs...
but i think tis two weeks got at least smoked 17sticks?

nvms....
dont care la...
tonight update again..(:
byebye...

HL, TRY...kays?
and yoo dont emo alr la....
dean, ttyl? love yoo too..
PJ, GROSS MEH...i find it quite nice lehs...
sharon, read yur blogg...dont emo alr...cheer up?



the cuts still kinda hurt....):

51th post....haiz...

i died when you left me.....

nothing much happen todayy..
jus last night...
almost got killed by mum. O;
fer smashing the glass table...
got whacked lohs..
and scoldings...
haiz...
sooo old alr still got caning....
cane until bleed.....
poor me. );
hurts la....

went out again..
about 1am?
after mum sleep...
cab to dempsey road...
slacked there...
drank...
smoked...
but not soo much..
next dayy got skool...
maybe half bott?
and 4cigerettes...


got intro to............drugs....
didnt take them thou.....
good or bad?
idk..

YEAH..didnt get drunk thou...
(:
hahaha
happyhappy...
came hme 3am plus...
went to sleep...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz............................

go skool....
almost late?
nah..didnt...
then nothing much...

tis week totallyy broke);):);
haiz....
save moneyy lohs...
havent even started studying fer exam yet o:
DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE...

anyways...
skool nothing much..
lots of ppl keep asking me why i hurt and all...
I DIDNT CUT MYSELF...
IGOT WHACKED BY MUM...
CANED....):
and it bleed...
happy?
art jus got 22/30...okayokay la...);
and didnt go chem remedial...o:
hope dont die...
went library...
suppose to meet dora...
in the end...didnt...
talk wit PJ...
then went her huse NTUC...
buyy things..
went hme...
waiting fer bus tht time..
got tis guyy..
keep staring at me o:
made me feel soo self-consious...):
dunoes wadd he thinking bout....
haiz...
went hme..
msn...
fry ham (:
web-cam with PJ...
going off to go studyy soon (:
needa do art prep work oso...
and revision ..

update tonight (:

NOWS its tonite....
haha...
[updated at 2:24am]

well....
actuallyy..
theres nothing much to write about...
felt fat after eating half the tub of ice-cream...
studyy maths and POA...
drew up time-table....

mum was shocked
to see damages she inflited on me...
and cuts and bruise and blood...
=.=

anyways...yeah,
watched tv...
nothing much to watch...

bath,then lie on bed reading oliver twist
o: shocking ehs?
me reading...and furthermore a CLASSIC...
hahahaha...
fell asleep..
woke up again..
then came on...
only 2peeps on on msn...
no fun ):
going off soon to study...

baibai..
love yoo dean...<3
try barhs..HL...



trying to live a life without you....

50th post....im losing mai insanity...

im reallyy losing it...

im reallyy glad almost everthing ish fiine nows...
the clique....seems more like a clique nows...
PJ and dora....are good with each other nows...
at least mai wish came true...
prayer was answered...
yeah.....
i kno blme ish put on me,
mai fault tht i 'brought' her in
mai fault fer being to friendlyy
mai fault fer starting to talk to her at the first place...
mai fault let her to close to us....
all of these are mai fault...
causing all these displeasure....
the friendship once sooo close to almost break apart...

IM REALLY REALLY SORRY FOR EVERYTHING...

yeah, wadd a certain person say was right,
i was to blame fer tis incident...

anyways yeah...i got nothing to sayy alr....
sooo...lemme continue bout wadd happen on fridayy......

-fridayy=drinks and cigerettes numb the pain, but not for long/the combi sucks-
[2am]
came hme....
parents thot i was with cousins,
but no....i wasnt....
went clake quay...
with couple of friends.....
drank almost 3/4 bott of red wine...
and 4cans beer....
combination of both?
sucks big time...
smoke liike total 7cigerettes?

jus trying to waste mai life awayy

yeah,
left them soon after....
wanted to be alone...
got these few peeps kept following me...
recognize one of them as mai friend's friend...
damn the person...
tell tales on me...
made me get scolded by mi bro...
ASSHOLES..

sat alone...
fer 2hrs plus?
anyways...got hme bout 1am and 2am?
xavier sent me hme...
luckyy mum was asleep alr...
took a quick hot bath..
felt like shit....
went to bath...
head hurts...
whole body hurts....
woke upp again...
puke thrice...
felt like crap....
never felt sooooo bad b4..
head gonna explode...
felt like jus killing myself...
yeah..
went back to bed...
slept till next dayy...
woke up at like 3pm? (:

-saturdayy=GO AWAY-
headache fer whole dayy....
tried to do revision and hw...
yeah....
nothing much...
watch tv laters on...
watch cheaper by a dozen
TAYLOR LAUTNER sooooooo cute....
hahahahaha
he was inside (:
<3
anyways funnny show...

-sundayy=nothin much-
tiredd....
went out with mum at 2plus?
nothing much....
bought alot of stuff...
yeah.....
nothing interesting...

HAPPY BIRTHDAYY PJ!!!!!!!!
sorry bout the cake.):

-mondayy=i really losing mai insanity! wadd was i thinking bout?!-
birthdayy bash PJ...
saw her specs fly...
felt her boob (;
saw muffin fly
swung a knife.
tried to cut cake into 38pieces o:
haiz...
funnyy things happened todayy (;
dora and QH smash muffin into PJ...ahahahahah
funny scenes...
PJ's face uber funnyy...
hope they dont do tht to me.O;
anyways yeah...
left alone first..
let PJ and dora have some catching up time,to talk....
went hme....
fer some reason...
idk wadd got into me...
i jus lose mai temper and push the glass table..
it drop to the floor and BROKE..
into miliions of pieces....
i was shocked...
kinda dont reallyy care...
thou i kno i confirm die tonite...
haiz....
will take somes picts...
broken glass pieces...

49th post...hate you.

i can no longer kno which is the truth and the false..

maybe, tht stranger is right...
why bother telling everyone
how i feel, what i think...
no one even care.
even if i die.

im jus a whiny, irritating litle thing
a bitch, a whore, a slut
in everyone's eyes
always trying to attract attention...

nver a thing i do is right...

but reallyy no one understands me.

imma gonna write bout those interesting days..
soooo yeah..it onlyy starts frm mondayy.....hmmms.....

-mondayy=pain onlyy starts later/jam fer 40mins?-
nothing much...
went to put braces...
was prepared to sit there frm 3hrs..
but in the end its onlyy 30mins...
putting doesnt hurt..AT ALL...
surprising....
pain come laters...
when eating...o:
starting to regret....):

-tuesdayy=braces hurt-
everyone totallyy surprised i put braces...
hahahaha..
anyways nothing much...
ran to PJ's huse...b4 PFT
ALMOST tripped on metal bar..
went like flailing in the air...
but caught myslf b4 i fell (;
TOTALLYY UNGLAM. O:
pulled a muscle...hurts like shit.

PFT..
all got A
except damn shuttle run...C
WTF. Dx
standing broad jump> 192cm (:
pull ups>20
sit ups>40
the rest? i forgot.

nothing much...
went hme afterwards...
with HL and jeanette.
nothing much.

-wednesdayy=totallyy hot <3-
went changi airport...
ran to mac..hahahaha....
PJ wanted catch the b4 3pm value meals..
she bought.....
mcwings?
i bought fish fillet...
wanted mcwings too..
but stupid braces..
stopped me frm eating many stuff ):

eat eat eat....
nicenice...
studyy ALITTLE...
went walkwalk...
ALOT OF CAUASIANS o:
old,ugly,hot,young,cute....
hahahahaha...
took skytrain to T1
WHOLE AIRPORT FILLED WOTH THEM...
got one WHOLE line there...
about 1km? hahahahaha
got tis particular ones...
UBER HOT...
hahahahahaha
went backk...
got hme at 6:40?
around there...
bath,eat.sleep...
nothing much.

-thursdayy=i have no comments-
bought cake...
fer PJ...
in the end...
she bite..
it was mouldy..
WTF.
anyways....make egg fer yoo next time...
i must buyy ingredients first...
SORRY.
anyways, went to bugis street wanted buyy wallet..
got manyy varieties...
love them all...
had the choice of white and purple
in the end got purple ones...
but sharon didnt buyy.
no moneyy...
bad fer her...
she then left first...

me and PJ went the other stalls...
saw soooo manyy other colours...o:
WTH la...
anyways went kallang...
then went hme....
talked to PJ on msn....
nothing much.

-fridayy=braces cause me cant sleep well-
tiredd....
nothing much...
jus went SG POST...
on wayy there...
peeps keep staring at me and PJ..
stare what stare.

anyways go popular buy some stuff.
then ntuc...
saw GG and DG
then came hme...
nows blogging...
tonites going hans eat pasta (:

i dont know which are lies...
maybe.....everything is....
that yoo care
that yoo worry
that yoo understand

wadeva yoo said..
are jus lies...
its difficult to believe anything...
wadeva yoo say or do...

soo i decided....
to keep everyone out of my life....
keep myself frm getting hurt......

48th post...

jus leave me alone.


theres nothing i could live for...
the onlyy thing tht kept me frm killing myself is my parents.
i think they wud be the onlyy ones whos wud care...

im tired of the lies and fakings in life.
lies and lies.....
promises tht alwayys ended up broken.
why bother?
wadd the use?

yoo all said yoo wud never leave...
but yet...they still left...

i cant remember wadd happened on sundayy,
decided not to...
soooo lets jus start frm monday,

-mondayy=o:-
i cant remember oso..O:

-tuesdayy=i shouldn't haf called yoo-
hmmms...i dont rmb wadd happened in skool...
but some stuff happened...
ands.....yeah....
cried and cried....3?4hrs?
called HL...shouldnt have...

whys?

firstlyy,im nothing to him, why should he cm 'entertain' me
second, i showed him my vulnerable side... i made me look pitiful...i dont want tht...
thirdly... it actually hurt more.... when he asked me wadds wrong... i actuallyy started crying again and had the impulse to take up the pen-knife.
fourth, it embarrasing...to face him on the next dayy...
fifth? he could haf told somebodyy... and laughed bout it tgt... mock at me or sumthing.

well....yeah?
felt tht wayy...
after a while...i think i fell asleep or sumthing...
idk?

-wednesdayy=pretended like nothing happen/reallyy dont wan seniors to leave.):-
last drama session...);):):);
saddddd....
acted the last playy of the session...

dont wanna comment anything bout the sec1 drama mem.

then wanted to take MRT to tampines uncle's huse.
but went to meet daddy at simei's popular.
bought pencils, erasers, pen refill, the two 10yr series science books.
still need to get POA pad, correction tape refill, deodorant and.............i not sure.
daddy send me to uncle's place...
eat dinner...
then go hme..

-thursday=fun,tiring....WET..-
hmmms.....todayy...maths teacher never cm....
art teacher oso never cm...
soooo yeah...waited fer PJ and sharon
went work out at gym...frm 4pm to 5.30pm...
sweat and sweat...disgusting.
then it was raining..
PJ and sharon needed buy some stuff frm NTUC sooooo went with them..
me shared umbrella with sharon, PJ have her own...
thou got umbrella still got wet..
saw tis uber cute innocent looking boy...
PJ and sharon agreed with me..hahahaha (;
bought the stuff...then again...went to uncle's place...
nothing much.

-fridayy=fucking pissed off-
met PJ at 6:20am...
at mai huse downstair...
took bus70 to seragoon stadium...
actuallyy we arrived too earlyy...but yeah..sat there, listening to music.
blahblahblah..
watched the races...
nothing much...
bought potato chips...
then got tis few sec1? boys...damn fucking irritating and kam pa.
poured water down the steps....made my back all wet..
ji bai kia la..
then dont even kno how eat properlyy...drop here and there...
dirtyy the whole place..
still dont wanna throw awayy.

wtf la..
this yr...sec1s.....damn sucky...
one of the suckiest fucked upp batch...
after the sec2s...(except drama mem,)
the rest all SUCKS..totally.
pathetic small imbeciles...
haiz.....
after finish...
sharon 'treat' us...cab. (;

thanks sharon (;

cab to her huse..
then took bus to PJ huse there...
waited fer bus...
then got tis bus...got some peeps inside..
one of them i recognised....ish drama de...
but they....once saw me...all waved hi....
in the end i only was onlyy waving to the one i recognised..get it? no?
nehminds ^^ haha

went hme..
mum was at hme..
took bath..
then went to sleep..
till 4.30pm...
went out..
eat sushii. nicenice.
then went hme....
slept earlyy..


it frightens me to kno haf the feeling tht we are drifting apart...

47th post...

i should have thot of it...

fun but emotional dayy...
woke up at 8am...
took bath...then went to do alittle drawing...
till 9.30am..
change and then went down...
but suddenlyy remembered tht i was supposed to bring another pair of shorts..
so went back up to get...
rushed to meet up with henglee...
then walked to the carnival tgt...
suddenlyy start to rain...
hahahaha
HL tried to shelter me...
bt i dont want..keep running awayy, LOL..
got the suspenders frm nicole.
put on...

waited fer the balloons to cm...
talked to joy,nicole,dayne,cheryl,elson and mdm chua...
balloons came...
needed to pump in air myself..);
pump and pump...
give and give...
some ppl say i dont look like clown...
dont i?
colourful socks attrated alot attention.
in less than 2hrs gave out all balloons alr..(;
watch the performances..

EVERYONE WAS AWESOME..

anyways..PJ cm....
continue watching....
went mac with joy,nicole,PJ,dayne and mdm chua...
mdm chua treated us. (:
thankthanks. <3

then rushed back...
wanted to watch HL's sorrysorry..(;
it was nicenice.
ryan's dancing still sooo awesome.
continue watching...
then about 3pm went library toilet, do hair..
came back...needed to go off alr to do make-up and hair fer actors..

went back to skool
did the black gang's hair...]
used ALOT of hair spray
hahahahahaha.
had some difficulty with some peeps hair...
but still could manage...(;
then focused on nicole's make-up and hair....

GOSH...her hair...
damn difficult to do....
needed to re-plait....
gel her hair into place...
did and did until i was satisfied..hahahaha...
did her makeup....
made her a chio bu..LOL..
everyone was like 'wah...so preety'
LOL.
good skills i have xDDD

anyways ate dinner...
gave all mai meat to nicole..hahahax.
went to the performance stage...
continue helping touch up peeps hair...
wish good luck to everyone....

suddenlyy nicole rememeber tht she forgot to bring her hanky,
me ran back...almost got knocked down....got honked too ):
haiz...came bac in 10mins.

as our turn to performance came...
the atmosphere became alittle emotional and tense...
everyone was focusing...
trying to do our best...
especiallyy...kahheng,iman,renee....
their last performance T.T

finished the show...
went back to skool...
had a totally emotional briefing...
cant believe i actually cried...
but at the very thought of our seniors leaving...
jus makes people cry...);

hugged renee and iman...
cried even more...
then went hme...
emo emo emo....
saddddddd...

ate dinner again...
went to bed early...

yoo broke up with me...
jus because i didnt listen to yoo!?
thts....jus childish...
yoo could have told me...
we dont have to breakup.

but on second thoughts...
maybe we should...
im not the girl
if yoo want someone obedient and listens to yoo...

yoo rather get a dog...
not a gf.



play me a love song